( for the moment, despite the offered seat, she opts to stand. depending on what the doctor ends up doing after scanning her she'll reconsider then but, for some reason, she feels a little more capable stood. less lost, even though that doesn't make sense.
quill takes a moment, a short pause before explaining. it starts entirely factual, what she knows about pregnancy, that quills have litters, parts of her biology that she's certain the doctor will see on the scanner. and then, a short pause again, she takes it more personal )
This-- ( there's a small gesture ending in pointing at her stomach ) --happened a week ago.
( have fun with that one )
I was transported to the Cabinet of Souls. Time passes differently there.
( she lost months of her life. one thing that she hasn't mentioned, that she just hasn't gotten to yet are two of the more important parts: it's not only quill and there's one child, not a litter. but she was getting there )
( Well, she's heard weirder things. Maybe. Possibly. For a moment the Doctor doesn't speak - mulling silently as she waves the scanner over Quill's stomach first, then her whole body just in case. The Tardis hums softly around them, and if she's not mistaken the lights get a little softer. She shakes her head a little, before moving to read the scanner.
Honestly, broody TARDIS. She's surprised she there aren't balloons bursting from the console right now. )
Well, the good news is we only have to set up the nursery for one? I can get Graham and Ryan on the case. It would stop them talking about football. Baby's looking good. She might take a little bit after Dad more than mum, but she's healthy and doing great. Do you want to see?
( quill doesn't respond. everything that the doctor says she hears but her brain doesn't-- can't process it. she'd barely gotten through her head that she was pregnant, it was difficult to swallow and she'd tried to keep herself distracted so she didn't have to think about it but--
a girl. a part of both species. one child. that last part she'd figured out already from feeling its-- her movements but--
and here's the doctor, happy as anything, almost excited talking about her friends and--
quill puts her hand up, brushing the question off as she turns and steps away. her hands rest on her face before brushing through her hair )
I can't do this.
( she says it quietly in her own language, fully expecting the doctor to not understand, forgetting that either she or the tardis can translate it )
( She keeps the screen turned towards her for now, letting Andrea put space between herself and this new reality. Because she can sympathise, in a way. Even without being the very last of a species this can be terrifying.
She's quiet, until she turns and leans against the console, crossing her arms over her chest. )
I panicked when I found out I was going to be a dad. Complete one hundred percent idiot meltdown. I couldn't imagine a child in my life. Let alone one I'd be responsible for. I got drunk on Venusian wine and hid in my best friend's house until he got so fed up he kicked me out. ( When she smiles it's bittersweet. ) It's terrifying, bringing life into a world. On your own it must be even worse. But here's the thing, Andrea. You can do this. Look at everything you've done since I brought you here. The people you've saved, the ones you've protected. You're surviving. You can keep surviving.
( when quill turns back her words are a lot sharper than she intends. her emotions have always been a mess, more so lately than ever and oh-- )
And what about those that I couldn't save?
( it's anger rather than self-doubt. quill had fought hard, fought the best that she could despite the situation but she was one woman in an impossible situation. she's still angry about being forced that burden on.
but it isn't the point of the tale and she reigns herself back in )
I know how to survive. ( and quill can fight to survive again, the better part of it ) But this-- ( again with the gesturing at her stomach ) I was not made for. Quill are not mothers. You give birth and you die. It was never meant to happen.
( she expected to die in battle. even before her people were killed she never expected to ever have a child and after-- she'd never thought of it.
but maybe that expectation now is a deflection for her fear -- fear that she won't admit to because a child isn't scary, not to a soldier. quill faces children every day and wins those battles. but not knowing what to do-- )
You're different now. Your child is different. And that's -- honestly, it's kind of wonderful. We don't know what will happen, none of us do. But I'm not going to leave you to do this by yourself. I'm certainly not going to let you die.
( She's doubtful it would be a normal Quill birth anyway. Just one child. Easy to keep track of, to monitor Andrea and keep her safe. )
So here you are. You have a chance to do something that your mother never did, or her mother, of the thousands of generations of Quill who died to give life. You get to keep it. You get to nurture it.
( A pause, and then --. ) But it is your choice. I'll get you through the birth. You get to decide what happens after.
( it shuts her up. the doctor has always had a way with words even if quill has tried to buck back in the past. they've seen more of the universe than she has and it's why, when everything is so unknown, quill is literally putting her life in the alien's hands.
this time the pause comes with her thinking. quill knows how humans handle this, she'd said such a thing to tanya when comparing what they did with legacies. you give your legacy every day as you live. you can shape it. could quill do that? could she shape her life, could she shape this child's life? )
I don't even know where to begin.
( quill feels like she's going to regret asking that )
Well, I think I'm going to have to buy more towels. But that can happen later. Unless you think you're about to burst now?
( A critical look between screen and Quill, before she's shaking her head. )
No. I'm fairly certain we've got a little bit of time. You don't have any labour signs. The TARDIS can monitor you for those. She's an excellent midwife.
( Another glance back, the screen still glowing slightly. )
( okay, doctor, you're really going to need to stop doing that. she'd just started calming down about the baby thing with her worries and doubts and then you mention labour and having it now.
this time she doesn't look away but that panic does still show in her expression. one hand comes to rest on the side of her stomach, the other punctuates her speech )
Doctor, how long do I have?
( to live is still her first instinctual thought but then she shifts that to until i have this child. whether or not she believes that she will live quill doesn't want to die and she knows that this woman is her best shot at staying alive.
she still has so many questions and even if part of her is curious to see what the doctor is so excited about she doesn't know if she can bring herself to do it. yet. let one thing stop swimming in her head first )
A month, maybe two. I didn't think it would actually be possible for you to get pregnant with a human so I'd have to do some reading. But judging by all the fingers and toes and how big she is, I'd think you were pretty far along.
( Because #assumptions. )
Obviously we can't take you to a hospital but we can get you some antenatal books. You need to practise the breathing.
( saying you need to practice the breathing is really funny because currently, her breathing is terrible. sorry, did you just assume she'd slept with a human? )
Human? No. No, no, no.
( god, give her a minute to be disgusted.
and then, now taking a deeper breath, quill explains-- )
He-- he was Lorr.
( was. he'd died and even though quill hadn't known him well, didn't have feelings there was a shared commonality between them. a soldier's life, people that were trapped. lost. it had been enough and it could have been more )
( A shapeshifter then. Well, half. Maybe that's why she looks more human. The Doctor wonders if that's something to do with the environment. Adapting to survive.
She catches that was though, a wince crossing her face. )
( andrea quill has definitely made a mess out of her life and she isn't even going to deny it )
I, uh-- know very little about them.
( only what she'd seen and experienced in those few hours. she didn't even know their true form -- she'd seen what his hands could do, and he could do many wonderful things with them, but-- what would her child look like when she didn't assume a form? )
Show me.
( though quill doesn't move to wards the screen she's more ready to see it. she needs to know what's on it, what her daughter looks like )
I haven't had many run-ins with them. Or I guess, if I have they've not wanted me to know I had. They're shapeshifters?
( She turns the screen so Andrea can see it from where she's stood, a baby who looks mostly human shaped. There are hands and feet. Maybe now the Doctor knows the truth she can see where there are abnormalities, differences from the form her mother's currently wearing, but they're nothing to worry about. )
( there's a small nod that quill gives at the question before the screen turns. they're shapeshifters and she was incredibly fortunate that she'd met him. he'd saved her life, he'd freed her-- they had changed everything and part of quill wishes that he was still here. even if they weren't a thing this was still his child, part of his legacy-- his people.
when the screen turns quill goes silent. oh, she'd been quiet already but this is a different kind, almost a breath taken away sort of silence. she isn't quite certain what she'd been expecting to see or feel at the image but--
almost as if knowing the baby moves, a sharp kick before a calmer series of flurries. as surprising as the feeling still is, causing her to gasp, hands moving to her stomach, the strength she can appreciate. her child is already every bit the warrior she is -- that both her parents were )
He was my surgeon. ( the first comment she's made about the scar across her eye, her newly regained freedom ) Then he was killed.
( yeah. they'd met, fought together, won the battle of her life, fucked and-- it had been a busy day )
( A small smile at Andrea covering her stomach. She's not trying to be pitying. This is clearly one of the hardest things the other woman is going to go through. )
I'm sorry.
( It's all she can really offer. That and helping Andrea survive the birth. )
( what? fine? it hadn't been anything but there'd certainly been a moment, a promise between them-- everything had been promised to change one way or another )
She's a shapeshifter. ( there's an obvious changing of track. they've spoken about feelings far too much already for her liking ) That's why you thought she was human.
( because whilst quill doesn't have other experience to go off she can tell that the baby looks distinctly human-shaped. it certainly isn't quill-shaped )
I don't know why this form, but she seems to have gotten it down quite well. I'm actually quite impressed. ( A twitch of a smile. ) How has the pregnancy been otherwise? Sickness? Any ailments?
( yeah, well, when your mother also wears that form well-- but it'll help. if her baby is already looking passably human it'll make things easier in the long run.
there's also a slightly awkward expression, one hand slips from her stomach to rest at her side )
Yeah, I've known about this for about a day.
( quill might have said it happened a week ago but she didn't say what she'd been doing in that week. she only knows the vague time frame from finding out the date after she'd woken up )
I have no idea what's supposed to be normal.
( though if she actually answered the question-- no sickness or anything else, just extra ferocity (normal) and still allowing her to kick ass with ease )
( No wonder Andrea seems stressed. The Doctor hums a little, but paints on another smile. )
Well, who really knows what normal is these days anyway. You're a Quill! And you're having a baby that's part Lorr, the first one of her kind, probably, and who might end up being delivered by a Time Lord. ( A cheeky grin, sorry. ) The good thing is we can figure it out.
( so off point but god, she sounds even more ridiculous than the grumpy scottish bloke had been. can she get him back? he feels like he'd have been much more down to the point even if it would have been weird )
Okay. A month or so.
( in which she'd probably be very busy with a lot of things to do that even with how much the doctor was offering help she'd probably do alone. because that's apparently her way -- she is alone, she feels it and what are friends? especially when the person that's your better option is far too optimistic )
It's going to be a long month.
( or short with how much she has to do and figure out. who knows )
( it was one thing that she'd asked for the doctor's help on a medical basis but... god. she had no idea of what she was doing. making a list? actually caring for someone else? )
I'm not staying in this-- thing for a month.
( sorry tardis but she's feeling too defensive currently to properly name you. or be polite )
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quill takes a moment, a short pause before explaining. it starts entirely factual, what she knows about pregnancy, that quills have litters, parts of her biology that she's certain the doctor will see on the scanner. and then, a short pause again, she takes it more personal )
This-- ( there's a small gesture ending in pointing at her stomach ) --happened a week ago.
( have fun with that one )
I was transported to the Cabinet of Souls. Time passes differently there.
( she lost months of her life. one thing that she hasn't mentioned, that she just hasn't gotten to yet are two of the more important parts: it's not only quill and there's one child, not a litter. but she was getting there )
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( Well, she's heard weirder things. Maybe. Possibly. For a moment the Doctor doesn't speak - mulling silently as she waves the scanner over Quill's stomach first, then her whole body just in case. The Tardis hums softly around them, and if she's not mistaken the lights get a little softer. She shakes her head a little, before moving to read the scanner.
Honestly, broody TARDIS. She's surprised she there aren't balloons bursting from the console right now. )
Well, the good news is we only have to set up the nursery for one? I can get Graham and Ryan on the case. It would stop them talking about football. Baby's looking good. She might take a little bit after Dad more than mum, but she's healthy and doing great. Do you want to see?
( Because, ultrasound. )
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a girl. a part of both species. one child. that last part she'd figured out already from feeling its-- her movements but--
and here's the doctor, happy as anything, almost excited talking about her friends and--
quill puts her hand up, brushing the question off as she turns and steps away. her hands rest on her face before brushing through her hair )
I can't do this.
( she says it quietly in her own language, fully expecting the doctor to not understand, forgetting that either she or the tardis can translate it )
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She's quiet, until she turns and leans against the console, crossing her arms over her chest. )
I panicked when I found out I was going to be a dad. Complete one hundred percent idiot meltdown. I couldn't imagine a child in my life. Let alone one I'd be responsible for. I got drunk on Venusian wine and hid in my best friend's house until he got so fed up he kicked me out. ( When she smiles it's bittersweet. ) It's terrifying, bringing life into a world. On your own it must be even worse. But here's the thing, Andrea. You can do this. Look at everything you've done since I brought you here. The people you've saved, the ones you've protected. You're surviving. You can keep surviving.
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And what about those that I couldn't save?
( it's anger rather than self-doubt. quill had fought hard, fought the best that she could despite the situation but she was one woman in an impossible situation. she's still angry about being forced that burden on.
but it isn't the point of the tale and she reigns herself back in )
I know how to survive. ( and quill can fight to survive again, the better part of it ) But this-- ( again with the gesturing at her stomach ) I was not made for. Quill are not mothers. You give birth and you die. It was never meant to happen.
( she expected to die in battle. even before her people were killed she never expected to ever have a child and after-- she'd never thought of it.
but maybe that expectation now is a deflection for her fear -- fear that she won't admit to because a child isn't scary, not to a soldier. quill faces children every day and wins those battles. but not knowing what to do-- )
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( She's doubtful it would be a normal Quill birth anyway. Just one child. Easy to keep track of, to monitor Andrea and keep her safe. )
So here you are. You have a chance to do something that your mother never did, or her mother, of the thousands of generations of Quill who died to give life. You get to keep it. You get to nurture it.
( A pause, and then --. ) But it is your choice. I'll get you through the birth. You get to decide what happens after.
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this time the pause comes with her thinking. quill knows how humans handle this, she'd said such a thing to tanya when comparing what they did with legacies. you give your legacy every day as you live. you can shape it. could quill do that? could she shape her life, could she shape this child's life? )
I don't even know where to begin.
( quill feels like she's going to regret asking that )
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( A critical look between screen and Quill, before she's shaking her head. )
No. I'm fairly certain we've got a little bit of time. You don't have any labour signs. The TARDIS can monitor you for those. She's an excellent midwife.
( Another glance back, the screen still glowing slightly. )
Sure you don't want a peak?
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this time she doesn't look away but that panic does still show in her expression. one hand comes to rest on the side of her stomach, the other punctuates her speech )
Doctor, how long do I have?
( to live is still her first instinctual thought but then she shifts that to until i have this child. whether or not she believes that she will live quill doesn't want to die and she knows that this woman is her best shot at staying alive.
she still has so many questions and even if part of her is curious to see what the doctor is so excited about she doesn't know if she can bring herself to do it. yet. let one thing stop swimming in her head first )
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( Because #assumptions. )
Obviously we can't take you to a hospital but we can get you some antenatal books. You need to practise the breathing.
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Human? No. No, no, no.
( god, give her a minute to be disgusted.
and then, now taking a deeper breath, quill explains-- )
He-- he was Lorr.
( was. he'd died and even though quill hadn't known him well, didn't have feelings there was a shared commonality between them. a soldier's life, people that were trapped. lost. it had been enough and it could have been more )
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( Oh. )
Oh.
( A shapeshifter then. Well, half. Maybe that's why she looks more human. The Doctor wonders if that's something to do with the environment. Adapting to survive.
She catches that was though, a wince crossing her face. )
That makes more sense.
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Then you'll have to explain it to me.
( andrea quill has definitely made a mess out of her life and she isn't even going to deny it )
I, uh-- know very little about them.
( only what she'd seen and experienced in those few hours. she didn't even know their true form -- she'd seen what his hands could do, and he could do many wonderful things with them, but-- what would her child look like when she didn't assume a form? )
Show me.
( though quill doesn't move to wards the screen she's more ready to see it. she needs to know what's on it, what her daughter looks like )
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( She turns the screen so Andrea can see it from where she's stood, a baby who looks mostly human shaped. There are hands and feet. Maybe now the Doctor knows the truth she can see where there are abnormalities, differences from the form her mother's currently wearing, but they're nothing to worry about. )
You didn't spend long together?
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when the screen turns quill goes silent. oh, she'd been quiet already but this is a different kind, almost a breath taken away sort of silence. she isn't quite certain what she'd been expecting to see or feel at the image but--
almost as if knowing the baby moves, a sharp kick before a calmer series of flurries. as surprising as the feeling still is, causing her to gasp, hands moving to her stomach, the strength she can appreciate. her child is already every bit the warrior she is -- that both her parents were )
He was my surgeon. ( the first comment she's made about the scar across her eye, her newly regained freedom ) Then he was killed.
( yeah. they'd met, fought together, won the battle of her life, fucked and-- it had been a busy day )
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( A small smile at Andrea covering her stomach. She's not trying to be pitying. This is clearly one of the hardest things the other woman is going to go through. )
I'm sorry.
( It's all she can really offer. That and helping Andrea survive the birth. )
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( what? fine? it hadn't been anything but there'd certainly been a moment, a promise between them-- everything had been promised to change one way or another )
She's a shapeshifter. ( there's an obvious changing of track. they've spoken about feelings far too much already for her liking ) That's why you thought she was human.
( because whilst quill doesn't have other experience to go off she can tell that the baby looks distinctly human-shaped. it certainly isn't quill-shaped )
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( Better to be honest. )
I don't know why this form, but she seems to have gotten it down quite well. I'm actually quite impressed. ( A twitch of a smile. ) How has the pregnancy been otherwise? Sickness? Any ailments?
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there's also a slightly awkward expression, one hand slips from her stomach to rest at her side )
Yeah, I've known about this for about a day.
( quill might have said it happened a week ago but she didn't say what she'd been doing in that week. she only knows the vague time frame from finding out the date after she'd woken up )
I have no idea what's supposed to be normal.
( though if she actually answered the question-- no sickness or anything else, just extra ferocity (normal) and still allowing her to kick ass with ease )
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Well, who really knows what normal is these days anyway. You're a Quill! And you're having a baby that's part Lorr, the first one of her kind, probably, and who might end up being delivered by a Time Lord. ( A cheeky grin, sorry. ) The good thing is we can figure it out.
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( so off point but god, she sounds even more ridiculous than the grumpy scottish bloke had been. can she get him back? he feels like he'd have been much more down to the point even if it would have been weird )
Okay. A month or so.
( in which she'd probably be very busy with a lot of things to do that even with how much the doctor was offering help she'd probably do alone. because that's apparently her way -- she is alone, she feels it and what are friends? especially when the person that's your better option is far too optimistic )
It's going to be a long month.
( or short with how much she has to do and figure out. who knows )
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( It's cheery, but in reality it's probably going to pass fast simply for how much they have to do and how little they know. )
We should probably make a list so we don't get distracted.
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( it was one thing that she'd asked for the doctor's help on a medical basis but... god. she had no idea of what she was doing. making a list? actually caring for someone else? )
I'm not staying in this-- thing for a month.
( sorry tardis but she's feeling too defensive currently to properly name you. or be polite )
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( She's going to bound out into Andrea's kitchen once more, making herself at home without thinking to ask. )
Do you have any biscuits?
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What are you doing?
( yeah, no biscuits for you. or tea )
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