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[ A few key things have been bothering Alice since the whole issue with the moon. One: how the fuck is everyone going to manage Her Lunacy's... lunacy, as far as casting goes? Two: really? The Couple did all they did because they wanted to have kids? What the fuck? And three: is it really possible to master one's internal circumstances so completely that casting will always go well?
The first one she leaves in Kady's capable hands. Hedges are competent, more so than anyone ever gave them credit for, and with Lunatics on retainer, they'll manage to make sure everyone is aware of whatever the fuck the moon is doing. The second, she just throws out. George Ball might have trouble casting even after his hand heals. Fuck that guy anyway. The third... that one, she dwells on for a while. She thinks back on the last few years of her life, on her little moment with Mr. Couple, and her physically functional but magically useless fingers. Zelda said one hand is plenty. And Fen once told her that what she lost is out there, and to go take it back. Fen, hurting over an irreparable loss and really fucking drunk, had shared wisdom with Alice that could only come from a perspective of despair.
She knows what she has to do, but she puts it off for a few hours anyway, because who would she be if she didn't quietly panic for a little bit before making a big decision? At least she's gotten better at that. At least she's making choices that only affect her.
So, in time, she finds herself in the Library (it's not like Stephanie actually uses her Library card) and at the door of the once Head Librarian. Alice isn't scared of Zelda anymore. In fact, she kind of likes her, and definitely respects her. But vulnerability is still hard.
A deep breath, and she knocks, and as soom as she's face to face with Zelda, she says what she came here to say, albeit in a tone that's much calmer than she feels, shy and almost childlike. ]
You said— you said I have the makings of a master. I wanna know if that's true. I want— I have to know.
The first one she leaves in Kady's capable hands. Hedges are competent, more so than anyone ever gave them credit for, and with Lunatics on retainer, they'll manage to make sure everyone is aware of whatever the fuck the moon is doing. The second, she just throws out. George Ball might have trouble casting even after his hand heals. Fuck that guy anyway. The third... that one, she dwells on for a while. She thinks back on the last few years of her life, on her little moment with Mr. Couple, and her physically functional but magically useless fingers. Zelda said one hand is plenty. And Fen once told her that what she lost is out there, and to go take it back. Fen, hurting over an irreparable loss and really fucking drunk, had shared wisdom with Alice that could only come from a perspective of despair.
She knows what she has to do, but she puts it off for a few hours anyway, because who would she be if she didn't quietly panic for a little bit before making a big decision? At least she's gotten better at that. At least she's making choices that only affect her.
So, in time, she finds herself in the Library (it's not like Stephanie actually uses her Library card) and at the door of the once Head Librarian. Alice isn't scared of Zelda anymore. In fact, she kind of likes her, and definitely respects her. But vulnerability is still hard.
A deep breath, and she knocks, and as soom as she's face to face with Zelda, she says what she came here to say, albeit in a tone that's much calmer than she feels, shy and almost childlike. ]
You said— you said I have the makings of a master. I wanna know if that's true. I want— I have to know.
( things have been increasingly ever busy in the library since... well, everything. even with all of the time that they have at their disposal and the extra support they have it's a big job. everett left a huge mess that zelda has torturously taken it upon herself to dig through, even with shedding her mantle as head librarian (and refusing to be in charge though somehow defacto doing so) and with half of the library's collection pillaged or burned...
well, they had a lot to do and that was putting it mildly.
it's why she's a little thankful for the knock of her door, giving hwr the opportunity to step away from the dreaded thing she had to read (everett's) even if she expected it to be another task to get into.
seeing alice on the other side of her door... well, it was unexpected though with how quickly alice lept into what she wanted to know zelda didn't have a moment to wonder on the task. and the request itself makes her smile a little more, that alice is actually considering her advice )
Good day, Miss Quinn. ( let her formal at you for a minute before she steps back from her office door to let alice wander in, her desk clear of all but the one book she'd planned on looking at )
And it is true. If it's a path that you're considering following it won't be simple... but then when has magic been lately?
( or the world. but that didn't stop her belief that alice was capable of doing this. and she was glad that alice was asking, having left it in her court since first her rehabilitation and then that piece of wisdom )
well, they had a lot to do and that was putting it mildly.
it's why she's a little thankful for the knock of her door, giving hwr the opportunity to step away from the dreaded thing she had to read (everett's) even if she expected it to be another task to get into.
seeing alice on the other side of her door... well, it was unexpected though with how quickly alice lept into what she wanted to know zelda didn't have a moment to wonder on the task. and the request itself makes her smile a little more, that alice is actually considering her advice )
Good day, Miss Quinn. ( let her formal at you for a minute before she steps back from her office door to let alice wander in, her desk clear of all but the one book she'd planned on looking at )
And it is true. If it's a path that you're considering following it won't be simple... but then when has magic been lately?
( or the world. but that didn't stop her belief that alice was capable of doing this. and she was glad that alice was asking, having left it in her court since first her rehabilitation and then that piece of wisdom )
[ The response is reassuring, even if the initial formality sent an icy chill down her back. Jesus, had she somehow ruined her best chance at this? But no. No, she hadn't, and she exhales shakily, nodding as she flexes and relaxes her fingers— in both hands, though she's much more conscious of her right.
Magic hasn't been simple for her so much as she's been able to synthesize what she studies faster than her peers. Everyone who studies at Brakebills is brilliant. The difference is that Alice has a greater affinity for casting, and is able to be a better conduit for the raw power that is magic. She understands so much, and at one point knew everything. Magic feels like part of her.
When the Couple cut her off, she thought she'd lost a huge part of herself, but then Zelda had given it back to her, had shown her it hadn't been lost to begib with. Casting became possible again, with the fluidity from before, even if she has to use her mind to complete the tuts her right hand can't make without warping the way magic flows through them. Maybe one day she'll let a healer do research on her hand, to see if they can identify what amounts to veins for magic.
But for now, she's here, a beginner, standing before an ageless master. It's like a fantasy book, like the stories Quentin loved so much. The thought soothes her frayed nerves a little, the sadness more muted than before, just like Bax said it would be. ]
I do want to go down that path.
[ Who knows? Maybe the training will actually be challenging. ]
If you're willing to teach me. I'm not gonna join the Order, [ she adds quickly, because who is Alice Quinn if not still nervous and skittish, afraid of her potential, ] but...
[ A pause, and a sigh. ]
I don't really have anything else to do. I never cared about Fillory, and I don't care about New Fillory, either. And... Kady and Pete are handling things with the hedges. They don't need me.
[ And not that Zelda needs her either, but if... if she's still interested in Alice's rehabilitation, then, well— rehab from a brutal, traumatic injury is still rehab, right? ]
Magic hasn't been simple for her so much as she's been able to synthesize what she studies faster than her peers. Everyone who studies at Brakebills is brilliant. The difference is that Alice has a greater affinity for casting, and is able to be a better conduit for the raw power that is magic. She understands so much, and at one point knew everything. Magic feels like part of her.
When the Couple cut her off, she thought she'd lost a huge part of herself, but then Zelda had given it back to her, had shown her it hadn't been lost to begib with. Casting became possible again, with the fluidity from before, even if she has to use her mind to complete the tuts her right hand can't make without warping the way magic flows through them. Maybe one day she'll let a healer do research on her hand, to see if they can identify what amounts to veins for magic.
But for now, she's here, a beginner, standing before an ageless master. It's like a fantasy book, like the stories Quentin loved so much. The thought soothes her frayed nerves a little, the sadness more muted than before, just like Bax said it would be. ]
I do want to go down that path.
[ Who knows? Maybe the training will actually be challenging. ]
If you're willing to teach me. I'm not gonna join the Order, [ she adds quickly, because who is Alice Quinn if not still nervous and skittish, afraid of her potential, ] but...
[ A pause, and a sigh. ]
I don't really have anything else to do. I never cared about Fillory, and I don't care about New Fillory, either. And... Kady and Pete are handling things with the hedges. They don't need me.
[ And not that Zelda needs her either, but if... if she's still interested in Alice's rehabilitation, then, well— rehab from a brutal, traumatic injury is still rehab, right? ]
I don't quite know what the Order is anymore.
( it's a sad little admission meant as a reassurance for alice that zelda wasn't asking her to join. the library had opened its doors to so many recently and she'd asked none to sign contracts, hadn't considered it and was grateful for the help. maybe this was a new order for the library, something better.
but that would be someone else's job. hers was helping undo the marks with harriet and kady and now helping alice. bringing good to a world she'd done so much in. so much bad )
But I do know that I would be glad to teach you. When I first took an interest... even with all that I was blind to I recognised what you could become, knew that you'd make better choices to get there. And we do at least have the leisure of all of the resources around us.
( ones free for alice to peruse as needed. new era and her mentee needed to study )
This will be quite different to anything at Brakebills.
( it's a sad little admission meant as a reassurance for alice that zelda wasn't asking her to join. the library had opened its doors to so many recently and she'd asked none to sign contracts, hadn't considered it and was grateful for the help. maybe this was a new order for the library, something better.
but that would be someone else's job. hers was helping undo the marks with harriet and kady and now helping alice. bringing good to a world she'd done so much in. so much bad )
But I do know that I would be glad to teach you. When I first took an interest... even with all that I was blind to I recognised what you could become, knew that you'd make better choices to get there. And we do at least have the leisure of all of the resources around us.
( ones free for alice to peruse as needed. new era and her mentee needed to study )
This will be quite different to anything at Brakebills.
[ Who knows what anything is these days? The moon isn't the same as before. Fillory sure as hell isn't the same as before. The Library hasn't been the same since the mess with Everett, let alone now aftee all those books were burnt. Jesus, Alice herself isn't the same anymore, a one-handed caster held back only by her mind. ]
I'm not so sure about making better choices.
[ A bit quieter, as she lowers her head, embarrassed. She's been more careful since the incident at Castle Blackspire, yes, but learning to trust herself has been hard. It turns out that accepting yourself, your inner circumstances, is a long-term project that often slips out of your control. A lifetime of self-loathing means she has her work cut out for her.
But Zelda is right. They have the resources here to do that, including time.
A little of her confidence comes back, and she straightens, shrugging slightly. ]
I'm different now too. It feels like a good time to start.
[ Cool, they're doing this. Alice is going to study under a master until she becomes one herself. The thought starts to settle in her mind, exciting and frightening. She glances around and then meets Zelda's gaze. ]
How do we start.
I'm not so sure about making better choices.
[ A bit quieter, as she lowers her head, embarrassed. She's been more careful since the incident at Castle Blackspire, yes, but learning to trust herself has been hard. It turns out that accepting yourself, your inner circumstances, is a long-term project that often slips out of your control. A lifetime of self-loathing means she has her work cut out for her.
But Zelda is right. They have the resources here to do that, including time.
A little of her confidence comes back, and she straightens, shrugging slightly. ]
I'm different now too. It feels like a good time to start.
[ Cool, they're doing this. Alice is going to study under a master until she becomes one herself. The thought starts to settle in her mind, exciting and frightening. She glances around and then meets Zelda's gaze. ]
How do we start.
There are many aspects to it.
( some from her discipline, some from knowledge. though zelda knew that alice would enjoy it, the studying aspect, knowledge, everything she's always applied herself to magically )
I'd like to talk about your circumstances first.
( the last time that they'd met zelda had given her that piece of advice and considering that they're talking about fillory-- )
I assume that you were successful with the seed?
( some from her discipline, some from knowledge. though zelda knew that alice would enjoy it, the studying aspect, knowledge, everything she's always applied herself to magically )
I'd like to talk about your circumstances first.
( the last time that they'd met zelda had given her that piece of advice and considering that they're talking about fillory-- )
I assume that you were successful with the seed?
[ Jesus, she really is a master, in the old school way of being a teacher and guide. Alice doesn't underestimate Zelda's power, but she isn't quite clear on how this relationship will unfold. She has teachers, sure, but she never really needed them outside of grading her exams and assignments. This is different, and that means that already shy and awkward Alice will be an extra level of uncomfortable until she gets used to this. She gave the woman a hug, thinking her death was imminent, and yet here they are.
This is why she prefers books and animals to people.
Anyway, she nods, gaze flitting around erratically as she crosses her arms, suddenly unsure of what to do with her hands. ]
Yeah. We were. New Fillory is out there, somewhere.
[ With its fields of bacon and pizza-bearing tree-ovens. Who let them create a new world, honestly. ]
We took your advice about circumstances and got it done. I just— I haven't tried casting since then.
[ Getting home was an accident. It turns out that the old grandfather clock connected itself to New Fillory by way of a tree, because apparently they'd all thought about that. Alice just happened to stumble on the tree. Literally. Stumbled into it, fell through the hole, and landed face first into Kady's living room. ]
I should still be able to cast.
[ She figures she should try, so she closes her eyes, takes a breath, and exhales slowly, letting her thoughts flit through her head unfettered, undisturbed. You destroyed the keys. You killed your father. You tortured innocent creatures. You're the reason Julia is human again. You stole Quentin's book and didn't let him rest in peace. You lie and threaten and hate, all the time. Yes, yes, yes. One after the other. Acknowledge, accept, release. When she feels calm, she opens her eyes again and lights a fire in the palm of her hand.
It still feels unreal that she can do it, even if this is a simple, one-handed spell. She holds it out to Zelda and waits. ]
This is why she prefers books and animals to people.
Anyway, she nods, gaze flitting around erratically as she crosses her arms, suddenly unsure of what to do with her hands. ]
Yeah. We were. New Fillory is out there, somewhere.
[ With its fields of bacon and pizza-bearing tree-ovens. Who let them create a new world, honestly. ]
We took your advice about circumstances and got it done. I just— I haven't tried casting since then.
[ Getting home was an accident. It turns out that the old grandfather clock connected itself to New Fillory by way of a tree, because apparently they'd all thought about that. Alice just happened to stumble on the tree. Literally. Stumbled into it, fell through the hole, and landed face first into Kady's living room. ]
I should still be able to cast.
[ She figures she should try, so she closes her eyes, takes a breath, and exhales slowly, letting her thoughts flit through her head unfettered, undisturbed. You destroyed the keys. You killed your father. You tortured innocent creatures. You're the reason Julia is human again. You stole Quentin's book and didn't let him rest in peace. You lie and threaten and hate, all the time. Yes, yes, yes. One after the other. Acknowledge, accept, release. When she feels calm, she opens her eyes again and lights a fire in the palm of her hand.
It still feels unreal that she can do it, even if this is a simple, one-handed spell. She holds it out to Zelda and waits. ]
( zelda listens, calm patience, small details of this new world as unknown to her as the original fillory was awaiting to be learned. but what's important is that even with a small piece of advice alice was able to do a great thing with it, large and beautiful.
and she watches now, unmoving, almost seeing just what the girl is working through, seeing it ticking over in her expression until the flame lights. there's a small surge of pride within her, it presenting in the small smile that she gives to slice. she hadn't doubted that alice would be able to use her advice, not with how alice thought and understood magic, but seeing her success after such doubt is wonderful )
For now, it may be small, learning another way to cast is a difficult thing, as Penny discovered.
( after all he'd started trying to study a very different way, something else to alice. but neither of his hands had been able to cast, alice still had one )
The methods that magicians use now aren't the only ways that are known, some have been lost through a lack of practice, some... developed into what we now use. ( after all she also used the same tuts as other magicians did. but not all of her spells did exactly that ) Everything that you already know is still there, is still possible but it needs redirecting.
( shifting from two hands to one. and perhaps into a new way of casting )
There are books here for that history. Though first I'll need to get you a library card... instead of using your mother's.
( and zelda was 100% just going to let her apply without question. after all this new library was a little more open. and her student needed books )
and she watches now, unmoving, almost seeing just what the girl is working through, seeing it ticking over in her expression until the flame lights. there's a small surge of pride within her, it presenting in the small smile that she gives to slice. she hadn't doubted that alice would be able to use her advice, not with how alice thought and understood magic, but seeing her success after such doubt is wonderful )
For now, it may be small, learning another way to cast is a difficult thing, as Penny discovered.
( after all he'd started trying to study a very different way, something else to alice. but neither of his hands had been able to cast, alice still had one )
The methods that magicians use now aren't the only ways that are known, some have been lost through a lack of practice, some... developed into what we now use. ( after all she also used the same tuts as other magicians did. but not all of her spells did exactly that ) Everything that you already know is still there, is still possible but it needs redirecting.
( shifting from two hands to one. and perhaps into a new way of casting )
There are books here for that history. Though first I'll need to get you a library card... instead of using your mother's.
( and zelda was 100% just going to let her apply without question. after all this new library was a little more open. and her student needed books )
[ Poor Penny. His hands... She kind of gets it now. She took it for granted that she would always be able to cast using tuts. The only other method she knows about is sex magic, and she is pretty sure that neither she nor Zelda will go that route. Somehow, Alice gets the feeling that mastery involves less overt methods of casting, and that the adept slowly works their way to that.
Adept. Jesus, she's barely an apprentice at this stage. ]
Right. Yeah, I'm gonna need one.
[ She may have Stephanie's card on her right this moment, because she needed it to get through the door, but details. ]
It would be helpful if I had a place to spend nights here too.
[ No sense wasting time coming in and out of the Library. Even less sense exposing herself to the flow of time on Earth when she has the option of eternity, potentially. ]
Adept. Jesus, she's barely an apprentice at this stage. ]
Right. Yeah, I'm gonna need one.
[ She may have Stephanie's card on her right this moment, because she needed it to get through the door, but details. ]
It would be helpful if I had a place to spend nights here too.
[ No sense wasting time coming in and out of the Library. Even less sense exposing herself to the flow of time on Earth when she has the option of eternity, potentially. ]
That can be arranged.
( and whilst zelda doesn't say it she's pleased that alice is coming around to the library a little, that she's willing to spend time here even if she accepts that it's because of a goal in mind and not because alice likes the library. truthfully, zelda had even lost faith in the library, at least in the idea of what it had been, of what she'd always believed. what she'd always believed she still did -- it was a place for knowledge, for learning about all of the wonderful things across the multiple worlds. and for storing what was too dangerous to be let out.
where zelda still believed that it was how it was actioned that was now different, something that she was taking careful guidance from the people around her, from the people that knew the real world better than she did. zelda may have been a hedge once but that was a different time and kady had been right in what she knew about them now, things that zelda was learning as she worked with them, the wonderful people she'd met, the hard workers that were around now in the library. and wonderful students who just wanted to know more about magic as all magicians did. and as for knowledge itself... it was a library, it was being shared and whilst a small part of her was still apprehensive (larger than she'd ever want to admit now) nothing yet had gone wrong. after all, hadn't hedges helped save the world? )
I'm glad that you're wanting to take this path. Whatever may have been in the past... well, that's the past now. The future, your future with magic is something that will be wonderful.
( she moves from where she'd paused with alice to back behind her desk, moving the book aside to make room for her to pull a file out and a notepad, resting it on top of the file before she started noting something down, only briefly before picking both of them up )
If you follow me I can start on getting you a few things to begin with.
( a book. and a lot more chatter )
( and whilst zelda doesn't say it she's pleased that alice is coming around to the library a little, that she's willing to spend time here even if she accepts that it's because of a goal in mind and not because alice likes the library. truthfully, zelda had even lost faith in the library, at least in the idea of what it had been, of what she'd always believed. what she'd always believed she still did -- it was a place for knowledge, for learning about all of the wonderful things across the multiple worlds. and for storing what was too dangerous to be let out.
where zelda still believed that it was how it was actioned that was now different, something that she was taking careful guidance from the people around her, from the people that knew the real world better than she did. zelda may have been a hedge once but that was a different time and kady had been right in what she knew about them now, things that zelda was learning as she worked with them, the wonderful people she'd met, the hard workers that were around now in the library. and wonderful students who just wanted to know more about magic as all magicians did. and as for knowledge itself... it was a library, it was being shared and whilst a small part of her was still apprehensive (larger than she'd ever want to admit now) nothing yet had gone wrong. after all, hadn't hedges helped save the world? )
I'm glad that you're wanting to take this path. Whatever may have been in the past... well, that's the past now. The future, your future with magic is something that will be wonderful.
( she moves from where she'd paused with alice to back behind her desk, moving the book aside to make room for her to pull a file out and a notepad, resting it on top of the file before she started noting something down, only briefly before picking both of them up )
If you follow me I can start on getting you a few things to begin with.
( a book. and a lot more chatter )
[ Alice isn't exactly one to hold the past against people, not when most of what's happened to her and her friends, and the whole world, and even the multiverse, in the last few years was in large part her fault. She made mistakes. Zelda made mistakes. Both of them know that and are working to fix things, or at least to not make the same mistakes again.
Staying put, she watches Zelda do her thing, and follows when asked to.
It's different being in the Library for something that isn't nefarious in some way. Since the first few times here between trips to Fillory, Alice has come here to strike deals or destroy things. More recently, she came here for help, and something bad always followed. Now, she's here to... not belong here, but to embrace what it has to offer. Despite herself, it's where she feels most at home, because she's been so many places, done so many things, gained and lost so much— she doesn't really fit anywhere else. New Fillory should be ruled by people who love it, and Alice doesn't fit the bill. It hurts too much, given all she went through in the old Fillory, and how in many ways, it was the source of all her recent problems. Months ago, she would've felt an obligation to stay there on Quentin's behalf, because he couldn't be there to love his ideal world all over again. But now she's let him go, she wants her own life, to go where she wants to go.
This is the first time she's ever had that kind of freedom.
She almost walks right into Zelda, so lost in her thoughts she was. How long had they been walking? Did they step through a portal without Alice even knowing it? She was dimly aware of all the bookshelves and long corridors, but honestly, it's all coming into focus again right now. ]
Sorry. Just— Jesus this place is big.
[ Had her father trained here, or did he achieve mastery with an Earthbound teacher? What about Mayakovsky? She has so many questions. ]
For payment, I can... [ Deep breath. ] I can tell you how to find New Fillory. Or I can volunteer to shelve books. Or something.
[ Haha wow she's great at this. ]
Staying put, she watches Zelda do her thing, and follows when asked to.
It's different being in the Library for something that isn't nefarious in some way. Since the first few times here between trips to Fillory, Alice has come here to strike deals or destroy things. More recently, she came here for help, and something bad always followed. Now, she's here to... not belong here, but to embrace what it has to offer. Despite herself, it's where she feels most at home, because she's been so many places, done so many things, gained and lost so much— she doesn't really fit anywhere else. New Fillory should be ruled by people who love it, and Alice doesn't fit the bill. It hurts too much, given all she went through in the old Fillory, and how in many ways, it was the source of all her recent problems. Months ago, she would've felt an obligation to stay there on Quentin's behalf, because he couldn't be there to love his ideal world all over again. But now she's let him go, she wants her own life, to go where she wants to go.
This is the first time she's ever had that kind of freedom.
She almost walks right into Zelda, so lost in her thoughts she was. How long had they been walking? Did they step through a portal without Alice even knowing it? She was dimly aware of all the bookshelves and long corridors, but honestly, it's all coming into focus again right now. ]
Sorry. Just— Jesus this place is big.
[ Had her father trained here, or did he achieve mastery with an Earthbound teacher? What about Mayakovsky? She has so many questions. ]
For payment, I can... [ Deep breath. ] I can tell you how to find New Fillory. Or I can volunteer to shelve books. Or something.
[ Haha wow she's great at this. ]
( zelda lets alice walk silently for a moment, knowing the scale of the place, knowing just how much must be going through the woman's mind. and truthfully there's a lot going through her own as well, trying to think of the best next steps, to draw on what she knows of phosphoromancy to best guide her. though her discipline will be a lot of self-mastery in the parts that zelda isn't able to do herself.
it's when alice mentions payment that zelda slows in her pace, looking back to slice. and... whilst they'd agreed that zelda helping alice with this didn't mean she'd be joining the order... perhaps she hadn't been clear enough )
Whilst that information and assistance would be appreciated I wasn't looking for a payment. You should reach your potential, I want to help you do so.
( for magic, for something wonderful. not for any deal. and whilst there is knowledge that alice has that zelda is curious about she'd like to gain it on a less formal thing, less of an exchange and more a simple conversation )
If there are any voluntary acts that you'd like to do you are welcome to but it isn't necessary for my help.
it's when alice mentions payment that zelda slows in her pace, looking back to slice. and... whilst they'd agreed that zelda helping alice with this didn't mean she'd be joining the order... perhaps she hadn't been clear enough )
Whilst that information and assistance would be appreciated I wasn't looking for a payment. You should reach your potential, I want to help you do so.
( for magic, for something wonderful. not for any deal. and whilst there is knowledge that alice has that zelda is curious about she'd like to gain it on a less formal thing, less of an exchange and more a simple conversation )
If there are any voluntary acts that you'd like to do you are welcome to but it isn't necessary for my help.
[ That doesn't sound right. There's always a cost to everything. Even if the cost is the passage of time. It's how the universe works, what physics teaches. Alice isn't ready to just believe that Zelda is being kind enough to freely give this gift to her. An apprenticeship isn't something to be taken lightly, after all. ]
I can shelve books. [ That's the concession she'll make here, her way of saying she'll do more than just study for the privilege of becoming a master. ] This place is a mess after all that happened anyway.
[ Such a mess. The fire, the Visigoths... and this place is enormous. There's plenty to do.
And yet, even so, doubt still lingers, and curiosity surges in her. That desire to know, to understand, the very thing that helps make her magic seem effortless, spins the words in her mind and sends them right out. ]
Why are you doing this? Training me. I know I asked you to, but you didn't have to say yes. I betrayed you. I'm— dangerous. I've murdered and tortured and lied. You have a daughter you could train instead, and you have almost unlimitted time to do it. So why... why me?
I can shelve books. [ That's the concession she'll make here, her way of saying she'll do more than just study for the privilege of becoming a master. ] This place is a mess after all that happened anyway.
[ Such a mess. The fire, the Visigoths... and this place is enormous. There's plenty to do.
And yet, even so, doubt still lingers, and curiosity surges in her. That desire to know, to understand, the very thing that helps make her magic seem effortless, spins the words in her mind and sends them right out. ]
Why are you doing this? Training me. I know I asked you to, but you didn't have to say yes. I betrayed you. I'm— dangerous. I've murdered and tortured and lied. You have a daughter you could train instead, and you have almost unlimitted time to do it. So why... why me?
( zelda nods at the concession, at the fact that alice is choosing to freely do it. she'd never stop her from offering her time, is grateful for it really because she is right -- after all that's happened the library is a mess and that hurts her heart a little. books messy, all over... on the floor. they can use the help.
but then alice keeps talking and this time zelda stops walking, turning to her, frowning. yes, alice has done those things but none of that was a factor in it. and lately zelda has done a lot of her own soul searching, has needed to since some of those acts of her own where she blindly followed orders )
You're not the only person that has done terrible things with magic.
( or without it. zelda herself had such a past behind her, acts that she'd rather leave buried in time, things that she'll never do again and things that she feels she has to make up for. some of it she is trying to make penance for, helping the hedges to help undo her part in their pain, for what they suffered at the hands of the library. but there is so much more that zelda feels guilty for, so much that she did that wasn't only because of the library. and whilst zelda will never speak it aloud... well, she's given alice a small insight before )
I could train Harriet, her knowledge and training also gives her potential, but Harriet has always wanted to form her own path. ( and whilst zelda is glad for the time they're spending together now, that she's becoming a larger part of harriet's life again, she'll never step too quickly. and there's even more guilt that she has there )
But regardless of what you may have done-- I saw the potential in you from when we first met, before you'd done any of these things. Helping you reach it is a pleasure.
( and maybe... maybe there's a part of her that's still hoping that alice would be a librarian, be one in her own right, take over. after everett, after her hands were in it-- it needed someone fresh to change it, she could only do so much )
but then alice keeps talking and this time zelda stops walking, turning to her, frowning. yes, alice has done those things but none of that was a factor in it. and lately zelda has done a lot of her own soul searching, has needed to since some of those acts of her own where she blindly followed orders )
You're not the only person that has done terrible things with magic.
( or without it. zelda herself had such a past behind her, acts that she'd rather leave buried in time, things that she'll never do again and things that she feels she has to make up for. some of it she is trying to make penance for, helping the hedges to help undo her part in their pain, for what they suffered at the hands of the library. but there is so much more that zelda feels guilty for, so much that she did that wasn't only because of the library. and whilst zelda will never speak it aloud... well, she's given alice a small insight before )
I could train Harriet, her knowledge and training also gives her potential, but Harriet has always wanted to form her own path. ( and whilst zelda is glad for the time they're spending together now, that she's becoming a larger part of harriet's life again, she'll never step too quickly. and there's even more guilt that she has there )
But regardless of what you may have done-- I saw the potential in you from when we first met, before you'd done any of these things. Helping you reach it is a pleasure.
( and maybe... maybe there's a part of her that's still hoping that alice would be a librarian, be one in her own right, take over. after everett, after her hands were in it-- it needed someone fresh to change it, she could only do so much )
( it had taken a lot of convincing, many conversations, days and hours of begging, reassuring-- truthfully, zelda had been scared to say yes. whilst she wanted harriet to be happy, to have the best she could in her life and to do everything that made her happy... time was what scared her, it always had ever since harriet had jumped into her first fountain as a child, had explored another world.
since then, zelda had only ever been reassured when she'd come back safely or if they'd taken a walk together, though the older that harriet got those became fewer. and whilst zelda would like to say that everything harriet could possibly need was in the neitherlands... she knew that wasn't true.
so after many conversations, adjustments, compromises, zelda had agreed. harriet could study at brakebills.
she knew that from here everything would change, that harriet living in real time for months, years would change so quickly. but her daughter was happy and that was all that mattered. but brakebills was the future, tomorrow, specifically. for today she'd had something else in mind.
everett had given her the day to spend with harriet, particularly with what was coming, and she'd gotten them to earth. it had been a long time since she'd been on earth, longer since it had been for a non-library related reason. and aside from everything looking and feeling different, alien to her... she at least had harriet with her. harriet who was infinitely more familiar already from her fountain jumps and having visited brakebills once already.
the only thing was... with earth now so different she wasn't quite certain what to do )
I wanted to come here with you, just once before you left.
( they were in new york, sat in a park not so long after 'landing' )
Though what we do is your choice. I don't know the world like you do.
since then, zelda had only ever been reassured when she'd come back safely or if they'd taken a walk together, though the older that harriet got those became fewer. and whilst zelda would like to say that everything harriet could possibly need was in the neitherlands... she knew that wasn't true.
so after many conversations, adjustments, compromises, zelda had agreed. harriet could study at brakebills.
she knew that from here everything would change, that harriet living in real time for months, years would change so quickly. but her daughter was happy and that was all that mattered. but brakebills was the future, tomorrow, specifically. for today she'd had something else in mind.
everett had given her the day to spend with harriet, particularly with what was coming, and she'd gotten them to earth. it had been a long time since she'd been on earth, longer since it had been for a non-library related reason. and aside from everything looking and feeling different, alien to her... she at least had harriet with her. harriet who was infinitely more familiar already from her fountain jumps and having visited brakebills once already.
the only thing was... with earth now so different she wasn't quite certain what to do )
I wanted to come here with you, just once before you left.
( they were in new york, sat in a park not so long after 'landing' )
Though what we do is your choice. I don't know the world like you do.
[ his vortex manipulator is as old as he is, and it's seen better days. it's been damaged, repaired, and tweaked more times than he has fingers and toes to count. honestly, it's a wonder he hasn't had his jumps go wrong on him like this more often. ]
I think I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
I think I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
( zelda is at least used to people just popping in and out of the library -- travellers, keys, portals. with magic anything is an option. which, though she was shelving some books, simply has her turning with a smile, not surprised by a sudden appearance )
Your navigational coordinates seem to be off.
( it happened to a lot of travellers initially, two moons made internal gps a little more difficult )
But we can get you to where you need to be.
Your navigational coordinates seem to be off.
( it happened to a lot of travellers initially, two moons made internal gps a little more difficult )
But we can get you to where you need to be.
[ This is so, SO exciting. Finally, after way too many years spent as a teenager in the Neitherlands, Harriet gets to go to school on Earth. She loves Earth. The people, the sights, the smells, the food. From the moment they set foot here, Harriet felt alive in ways she only does when she's out here, in a world where time passes so fast that every moment feels more precious.
New York City moves at time's pace, people here navigating their crowded city in the most efficient way possible to get from point A to point B. There's always something happening, colors and lights flashing in the busier blocks, people wearing outfits that stand out while no one blinks an eye, buses and taxi cabs driving past bearing ads all over, impossible to miss.
In the park she and her mother are in, however, it's quieter, a bubble of tranquility amid the chaos. People walk their dogs or jog together, past the two of them as they sit and get their bearings before heading out. Harriet, for not having spent that much time here, has paid a lot of attention when her friends led her here and there in search of food and fun. She'll find something for them to do, and if she doesn't, something will find them. ]
We're a few hours from Brakebills.
[ Physically, and figuratively. Twenty-four hours from now, Harriet will go to her first day at grad school, they'll find her discipline, and she'll settle into her dorm room. She can't wait. ]
Okay. Why don't we start with brunch? There's a nice place over there, maybe a five minute walk away. Then we can take the subway and go downtown to check out a street market.
[ There's so much to do, it's almost overwhelming, but no, Harriet feels energized by it all. The city that never sleeps, where people hurry through life and may not even realize what a gift it is to live here, to take part in it all rather than read about it in books and long to experience it. ]
Come on!
[ Harriet grins, eyes shutting briefly as she stands and leads the way. The sun feels warm on her skin. ]
New York City moves at time's pace, people here navigating their crowded city in the most efficient way possible to get from point A to point B. There's always something happening, colors and lights flashing in the busier blocks, people wearing outfits that stand out while no one blinks an eye, buses and taxi cabs driving past bearing ads all over, impossible to miss.
In the park she and her mother are in, however, it's quieter, a bubble of tranquility amid the chaos. People walk their dogs or jog together, past the two of them as they sit and get their bearings before heading out. Harriet, for not having spent that much time here, has paid a lot of attention when her friends led her here and there in search of food and fun. She'll find something for them to do, and if she doesn't, something will find them. ]
We're a few hours from Brakebills.
[ Physically, and figuratively. Twenty-four hours from now, Harriet will go to her first day at grad school, they'll find her discipline, and she'll settle into her dorm room. She can't wait. ]
Okay. Why don't we start with brunch? There's a nice place over there, maybe a five minute walk away. Then we can take the subway and go downtown to check out a street market.
[ There's so much to do, it's almost overwhelming, but no, Harriet feels energized by it all. The city that never sleeps, where people hurry through life and may not even realize what a gift it is to live here, to take part in it all rather than read about it in books and long to experience it. ]
Come on!
[ Harriet grins, eyes shutting briefly as she stands and leads the way. The sun feels warm on her skin. ]
( whatever zelda feels, which is a lot, she keeps it pushed tightly down. her sadness at the fact that harriet's going away to school, overwhelmed by the incredible change of pace from the library, the crowds, the colours... part of it is nice to be out, to be somewhere fresh and she will treasure this day no matter what she feels. and harriet doesn't need to know any of it, doesn't need to have her excitement dampened by how her mother feels. and zelda can tell just by looking at her how thrilled her daughter is.
so she nods, taking a brief look around them, to where harriet's gesturing before she stands )
Before Brakebills it had been a long time since I'd seen New York.
( she'd been to earth here and there throughout the years as a librarian, more in her younger days before harriet, occasionally since. though larger cities were never her preference )
It's changed a lot.
so she nods, taking a brief look around them, to where harriet's gesturing before she stands )
Before Brakebills it had been a long time since I'd seen New York.
( she'd been to earth here and there throughout the years as a librarian, more in her younger days before harriet, occasionally since. though larger cities were never her preference )
It's changed a lot.
Edited 2021-06-01 22:57 (UTC)
[ What Zelda is talking about sends a warm twinge of bittersweetness through Alice, makes her feel like the world has slowed to a crawl and she's getting to see all the details for the first time.
This is what it's like when someone forgives you, truly, sincerely. No one has ever done that for Alice, not without giving her hell first. From the moment she betrayed her friends in Castle Blackspire, she'd believed she deserved every bit of hatred and vitriol directed at her. She'd imagined some distant day when they would decide that she'd proven herself. When she'd gone to Modesto, she'd imagined a brand new life, a lie where she was a blank slate, and not the marred wreck of a person (or perhaps monster) she really was.
Zelda, for all her devotion to a cause that almost choked the magic out of their world... somehow, Zelda knows what it's like to be in Alice's shoes. That must be it, because only someone who's been there understands the desperate ache of hopelessness, of believing you truly deserve only suffering.
"You're not the only person that has done terrible things with magic." What the hell has Zelda seen in her long, long life? It doesn't really matter, though, does it, because they're both here now, and they both see the person the other is now, not who they used to be. Alice doesn't hold a grudge against Zelda for what happened after Castle Blackspire. She understands, in a way. She knows how mistakes of that magnitude are made. They both know how not to be because of how they were, and they forgive each other for that past. The difference is that Zelda is worlds more graceful about it than Alice is. Maybe that comes with age, or with mastery.
She has to clear her throat, discrete and quiet, and blinl a few times to get her focus back and her tear situation under control. Then, breathing deeply, she nods and puts her hands together in front of her, at a loss for what to do all over again, out of place, out of everything. ]
I... don't know what to say. [ Said very softly, head tilted a little bit down. ] I'll live up to it. My potential. I lost all the knowledge and power I had as a niffin, but I can still cast. I can... If nothing else, I'm a good student.
[ It'll take some getting used to, this being truly forgiven thing, but it's already something Alice likes too much to want to let go. It'll be okay. Somehow, it'll be okay. ]
This is what it's like when someone forgives you, truly, sincerely. No one has ever done that for Alice, not without giving her hell first. From the moment she betrayed her friends in Castle Blackspire, she'd believed she deserved every bit of hatred and vitriol directed at her. She'd imagined some distant day when they would decide that she'd proven herself. When she'd gone to Modesto, she'd imagined a brand new life, a lie where she was a blank slate, and not the marred wreck of a person (or perhaps monster) she really was.
Zelda, for all her devotion to a cause that almost choked the magic out of their world... somehow, Zelda knows what it's like to be in Alice's shoes. That must be it, because only someone who's been there understands the desperate ache of hopelessness, of believing you truly deserve only suffering.
"You're not the only person that has done terrible things with magic." What the hell has Zelda seen in her long, long life? It doesn't really matter, though, does it, because they're both here now, and they both see the person the other is now, not who they used to be. Alice doesn't hold a grudge against Zelda for what happened after Castle Blackspire. She understands, in a way. She knows how mistakes of that magnitude are made. They both know how not to be because of how they were, and they forgive each other for that past. The difference is that Zelda is worlds more graceful about it than Alice is. Maybe that comes with age, or with mastery.
She has to clear her throat, discrete and quiet, and blinl a few times to get her focus back and her tear situation under control. Then, breathing deeply, she nods and puts her hands together in front of her, at a loss for what to do all over again, out of place, out of everything. ]
I... don't know what to say. [ Said very softly, head tilted a little bit down. ] I'll live up to it. My potential. I lost all the knowledge and power I had as a niffin, but I can still cast. I can... If nothing else, I'm a good student.
[ It'll take some getting used to, this being truly forgiven thing, but it's already something Alice likes too much to want to let go. It'll be okay. Somehow, it'll be okay. ]
Knowledge can be learned, power can be gained.
( if they were the goals. and coming from a master magician who never let anyone know how powerful she really was, how much she knew? people assumed a lot, she let them, let them overlook her and believe that she was just a librarian. but zelda observed, learned, read... she'd built so much. and she was the one still standing, for better or worse about it )
And in some ways isn't building that now better, to find what you want, to explore it?
( because a human rather than a niffin would learn very differently, would explore differently. and this wasn't meant to shame or refer to what the niffin may have done but to try and bring some light and hope to the fact that she'd have to learn a lot again. it was her adventure now )
You have an entire library, worlds of knowledge. And whilst you had many resources before... you have even more now.
( if they were the goals. and coming from a master magician who never let anyone know how powerful she really was, how much she knew? people assumed a lot, she let them, let them overlook her and believe that she was just a librarian. but zelda observed, learned, read... she'd built so much. and she was the one still standing, for better or worse about it )
And in some ways isn't building that now better, to find what you want, to explore it?
( because a human rather than a niffin would learn very differently, would explore differently. and this wasn't meant to shame or refer to what the niffin may have done but to try and bring some light and hope to the fact that she'd have to learn a lot again. it was her adventure now )
You have an entire library, worlds of knowledge. And whilst you had many resources before... you have even more now.
[ When the mirror in the mirror realm shattered, it pierced through the barrier keeping the mirror world apart from others. The Seam, luckily, stayed where it is, the physics and metaphysics of it (and probably some old-god-level magic) keeping it fixed between the worlds of the multiverse. But the mirror shattered, and the minor mending spell went wrong. Everett reflected it back somehow, became a god somehow, and immediately put his power to use.
Such a sudden, rare thing could only spawn more problems, though. He didn't grow his power from a tiny seed, like Julia did, and so it corrupted and overwhelmed him. What's left, in Alice's estimation, is a shell of who Everett was. It's a miracle he didn't niffin out, now that she takes a moment to think about. She has several long moments to think, being that she's lying on her side on cold, hard ground, in who knows where, and feeling like she got attacked by a mob.
The temperature is tolerable. It's daytime, but the sun or other light source is covered by clouds, and light fog curls its way through the trees. Some kind of forest? She can make out a fence or something, made of cement or brick. All right, so there's some kind of settlement around here, and people.
As the strength starts to return to her, Alice sits up and scans the immediate area around her. Penny isn't here, which leads her to believe that the shattering of the mirror not only ripped through worlds, but scattered whoever was in its immediate vicinity. Or, worse still, Everett separated them. ]
Shit.
[ Softly, as she pushes her glasses up her nose and debates getting up and approaching the stone fence. Why not, though. It's not like there's much else she can do, and for now, she wants to avoid using magic, in case Everett is hunting her the way she hunted others when she was a niffin.
Standing hurts, but she feels better once she's steady on her feet. Slowly, listening for footsteps or whooshes of wind, she approaches the structure, as quietly as possible. ]
Such a sudden, rare thing could only spawn more problems, though. He didn't grow his power from a tiny seed, like Julia did, and so it corrupted and overwhelmed him. What's left, in Alice's estimation, is a shell of who Everett was. It's a miracle he didn't niffin out, now that she takes a moment to think about. She has several long moments to think, being that she's lying on her side on cold, hard ground, in who knows where, and feeling like she got attacked by a mob.
The temperature is tolerable. It's daytime, but the sun or other light source is covered by clouds, and light fog curls its way through the trees. Some kind of forest? She can make out a fence or something, made of cement or brick. All right, so there's some kind of settlement around here, and people.
As the strength starts to return to her, Alice sits up and scans the immediate area around her. Penny isn't here, which leads her to believe that the shattering of the mirror not only ripped through worlds, but scattered whoever was in its immediate vicinity. Or, worse still, Everett separated them. ]
Shit.
[ Softly, as she pushes her glasses up her nose and debates getting up and approaching the stone fence. Why not, though. It's not like there's much else she can do, and for now, she wants to avoid using magic, in case Everett is hunting her the way she hunted others when she was a niffin.
Standing hurts, but she feels better once she's steady on her feet. Slowly, listening for footsteps or whooshes of wind, she approaches the structure, as quietly as possible. ]
[ Even more knowledge, and now, her own library card.
This is a lot. The realization comes and goes like waves on the sand. Alice nods at Zelda, her mentor. This is all strange, but also... it feels right. ]
And time. I never had this much time before.
[ A flicker of a smile, wry and hopeful. They can joke around together, right? Neither of them is that tightly wound, that they can't make jokes? ]
This is a lot. The realization comes and goes like waves on the sand. Alice nods at Zelda, her mentor. This is all strange, but also... it feels right. ]
And time. I never had this much time before.
[ A flicker of a smile, wry and hopeful. They can joke around together, right? Neither of them is that tightly wound, that they can't make jokes? ]
( they'd gotten caught up in the middle of a festival as they'd hit town and as they'd ridden further in it had been easier to tell when it was. feast of lights.
they'd ridden in on the eve of the first day, managing with great luck to get rooms in the inn, knowing they'd have to spend at least the next day in town, maybe two more. even not forgetting why they were here it was nice to see the merriment, to rest and regroup.
after spending the next afternoon in the town they'd joined at the inn for the evening festivities, getting a good meal, trying the ale. enjoying those few hours )
How long has it been since we've landed somewhere during a celebration?
( it happened from time to time but when you could ride so far from civilisation you could easily forget just when it was )
they'd ridden in on the eve of the first day, managing with great luck to get rooms in the inn, knowing they'd have to spend at least the next day in town, maybe two more. even not forgetting why they were here it was nice to see the merriment, to rest and regroup.
after spending the next afternoon in the town they'd joined at the inn for the evening festivities, getting a good meal, trying the ale. enjoying those few hours )
How long has it been since we've landed somewhere during a celebration?
( it happened from time to time but when you could ride so far from civilisation you could easily forget just when it was )
I don't know. ( he pauses, letting himself think about it for a few more moments before he turns to look at her, the slightest of smiles on his face. )
A long time.
( for so long, their lives had been fraught and tense, sending them across the land to try and make sure that people who didn't even know their names would survive. he's watched her take it all on her shoulders, take the burden of saving the world and balance it like no one else.
a celebration, he thinks, might be needed. it's been quite some time since he's seen moiraine smile in a way that is just genuine joy and happiness. maybe he will get that wish here. )
The music's good. ( he laughs quietly. ) Don't ask me to dance.
A long time.
( for so long, their lives had been fraught and tense, sending them across the land to try and make sure that people who didn't even know their names would survive. he's watched her take it all on her shoulders, take the burden of saving the world and balance it like no one else.
a celebration, he thinks, might be needed. it's been quite some time since he's seen moiraine smile in a way that is just genuine joy and happiness. maybe he will get that wish here. )
The music's good. ( he laughs quietly. ) Don't ask me to dance.
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